If it's very painful for you to criticize your friends - you're safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that's the time to hold your tongue. ~Alice Duer Miller
Here is the definition from Wikipedia.
“Gossip is idle talk or rumor, especially about the personal or private affairs of others. It forms one of the oldest and most common means of sharing (unproven) facts and views, but also has a reputation for the introduction of errors and other variations into the information transmitted. The term also carries implications that the news so transmitted (usually) has a personal or trivial nature, as opposed to normal conversation.” “The term is sometimes used to specifically refer to the spreading of dirt and misinformation.”
Here are some synonyms for the word gossip.
Chatter, rumor, hearsay, scandal, blabbermouth, tattler, tattletale, rumormongers, scandalmonger, telltale, and bigmouth.
You can sense it but you cannot see it or hear it. You only know where the termites have done their jobs when you knock on the surface and the response is a hollow sound. It is the same in human relationships. When a person or friend who has been infected by the vicious virus of gossip or slander, the relationship becomes hollow and meaningless devoid of sincerity and authenticity. The tragedy of the social consequences of vicious gossips is that the innocent ones appear as guilty as the convicted ones. No proof is needed and no explanation is necessary. It is so simple and easy to convict a person based on hearsay.
Research shows that people who gossip the most have very high levels of anxiety. They are generally not particularly popular because they cannot be trusted. Spreading private information or negative judgments is painful to others and reflects poorly on the gossiper.
Here are are many reasons why that nail of a rumor can be so harmful:
Words hurt as much as a punch
Sometimes more, because a punch may be painful, but at least it's over pretty fast. Rumors are, quite simply, a form of bullying that's sometimes referred to as "relational aggression." When a person or a group makes up a rumor about someone or decides to spread nasty gossip, it's usually to hurt someone, break up a friendship, or make someone less popular. It's the same thing as teasing, only it's done behind someone's back instead of to his or her face.
Gossip and rumors can be a form of exclusion
When you spread a rumor about someone, you're sending a signal that the person is outside of the group, and somehow less worthy of friendship than others. You're making fun of that person or pointing out negative things about him or her. This can let others think that it's okay to make the person feel inferior, and make him or her an outsider.
Gossip and rumors can destroy trust
We need to be able to trust our friends, and gossiping and rumors can break this trust. If you tell a personal secret to a friend, and he turns around and blabs it to someone else, you might feel like you'll get burned if you ever get close to him again.
True or not, private is private
Let's say your mother tells you that your friend Susannah's parents told her that they're getting a divorce. You don't feel bad about passing it around because, after all, it's a fact, right? Wrong! Perhaps Susannah isn't ready for people to know about her parents splitting up. It can be very painful and humiliating when other people know things about us that we want to keep private. It can make us feel like we've been violated, like something that is supposed to be just ours is now out in the open for all to see-and to judge.
Believing rumors can lead to bad choices so here are some tips to stop it:
If you decide that the rumor is hurtful in some way, make a stand. Decide that you don't want to take part in spreading it. Others may continue to circulate the gossip, but you've made a personal choice to stay out of it. Chances are that the rumor will die out much more quickly than if you had joined the buzz.
Don't be an audience
When someone comes to you with a rumor, try not to be an audience. This person may want to hurt somebody, or may be after attention or power. It can be hard to resist hearing some juicy dish, especially if you're bored, but make an effort to say, "I'm not interested in hearing mean gossip, thanks."
Just like with physical bullying, there are no "innocent bystanders" with hurtful rumors. Hearing and reacting to the rumor, and letting it continue, makes you almost as responsible for its damage as the person who started it. Instead, don't provide another pair of ears for the rumor-starter. If he isn't getting the reaction or attention he's seeking, he'll be less likely to do it in the future.
Be a peacemaker
If one of your friends wants to hurt someone else by spreading lies or rumors, speak up. Let your friend know that this isn't the right thing to do. If you need to, find another friend who feels the same way and talk to the others together. If rumors are getting out of control and someone is being made a real victim, get a counselor or teacher involved.
Respect others' privacy
If you don't want other people talking about the personal things in your life, don't do it to others. When you hear personal information about a classmate or friend, try to keep it to yourself, and don't worry about whether it's true or not. If you respect people's privacy, they'll be more likely to do the same for you.
Get the facts
Most of the time, you should try to ignore gossip and rumors. But if you hear a rumor about something important, and it doesn't sound too crazy or far-fetched, ask a teacher, guardian, or parent what they think. If it's a modern legend that you find interesting, you can try searching on the Web to see if it's been proven fake or not. But remember not to believe everything you read, even on the Web!
Most of the time, you should try to ignore gossip and rumors. But if you hear a rumor about something important, and it doesn't sound too crazy or far-fetched, ask a teacher, guardian, or parent what they think. If it's a modern legend that you find interesting, you can try searching on the Web to see if it's been proven fake or not. But remember not to believe everything you read, even on the Web!
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Then we have the form of gossip that turns into SLANDER!
Then we have the form of gossip that turns into SLANDER!
That is what I call VISCIOUS GOSSIP that invites a lawsuit.
When a person or friend who has been infected by the vicious virus of gossip or slander, the relationship becomes hollow and meaningless devoid of sincerity and authenticity. The tragedy of the social consequences of vicious gossips is that the innocent ones appear as guilty as the convicted ones. No proof is needed and no explanation is necessary. It is so simple and easy to convict a person based on hearsay.
Bottom Line? What to do? Use your God Given Heart & Mind! “Actively plant positive seeds in the garden of your mind and weed out any negatives as soon as they appear. As soon as you are aware of a negative entering your mind, nip it in the bud. “
Lynda Field, `Ways To Heal Yourself’
Don't get revenge and be careful with your secrets. The more private information that you make public, the more ammunition the gossips will have, so be careful who you confide in. Don't give the bully what he or she wants. Gossipers love a reaction so give them one!
Here is a great website with great info: http://www.sikhnet.com/news/gossip-ninda
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